this was an attempt at grappling with my diagnoses, and specifically feeling like I was losing the ability to connect to others.

i was diagnosed bipolar 2, OCD, and ADHD this year with a suspicion that i’m autistic; this totally recontextualized my self-image and it colored over my entire worldview with a red tinted wash. i felt alienated from my friends and i felt my ability to connect with others fall away as i tried desperately to still cling onto an old self and old habits. as i tried to accommodate myself and unmask more, the attachment to my old ways of being held strong, creating a huge barrier when it came to socializing and connecting with others. it looked so effortless for others; i wanted in so badly.

i tell people this is an anti-capitalist piece and it’s true - but more than that, this was an attempt to see more clearly.